by Rich Doebler.

As pastors, we face different types of controversies. Some controversies we bring on ourselves. There are inherent controversies involved with being pastors and leaders. But other controversies come to us uninvited, brought to us by others. These are issues not directly related to leadership issues like vision, training and equipping, recruitment, or motivation. These are issues that concern people who need both grace and accountability, who need forgiveness as well as church discipline. This workshop will attempt to find the balance between merely speaking the truth and speaking the truth in love (Ephesians 4:15).

How do we deal with cultural hot-button issues in our churches? How can we navigate the controversies of our increasingly complex times? How do we balance the message of God’s grace with the call to holiness? How do we offer love, acceptance, and forgiveness to sinners while-at the same time-warning, rebuking, and correcting believers? How do we welcome outsiders into the church with open arms but also hold each other accountable?

I suspect it is much harder to be a pastoral leader today than it was 50 years ago. Why? Because life and culture has become much more complex. Sin is still sin and God is still God, but there is a lot more ambiguity in society. Lines between right and wrong have been blurred. Advances in science, medicine, and technology have introduced issues unfathomable in previous ages. Abortion has been around for centuries, but only in our lifetime has it become accessible to the masses. Only recently, it has become sanitized. It’s no longer messy-just take a pill. Technology has complicated many issues. If a homosexual seeks to change through the power of God’s grace and forgiveness, that’s hardly as complex as discipling one who comes to Christ after surgery to become the opposite sex.

God’s Word has warned us that in the Last Days it will become more challenging as hearts and minds are corrupted by worldly ways. People are becoming more incapable of seeing the truth!

2 Timothy 3:1 states, “But realize this, that in the last days difficult times will come.”

Matthew 24:11 warns us, “…many false prophets will appear and deceive many people.”

2 Timothy 4:3-5 tell us, “For the time will come when men will not put up with sound doctrine. Instead, to suit their own desires, they will gather around them a great number of teachers to say what their itching ears want to hear. They will turn their ears away from the truth and turn aside to myths. But you, keep your head in all situations…”

Writing about the end times, Paul said in 2 Thessalonians 2:11-12, “For this reason God will send upon them a deluding influence so that they will believe what is false, in order that they all may be judged who did not believe the truth, but took pleasure in wickedness.”

Deception is nothing new (2 Corinthians 4:4), but in the last days, it will become stronger.

Cloning. Stem cell research. Genetic engineering. Pornography. Gambling. All of these issues have been impacted by the steady march of knowledge and discovery. Kairos Journal stated: “Already, some are beginning to excuse internet sex, arguing that ‘cyber-affairs’ don’t have to lead to physical encounters and, therefore, are actually ‘safe infidelity.'”

As a result, there has been a major shift in societal values and cultural attitudes. People think differently today than they did in our parents’ generation. Our culture, once heavily influenced by a Judeo-Christian ethic, has slipped away from such thinking. The prevailing world view has moved away from biblical perspectives and Christian values.

Discernment, values judgments, and critical thinking have given way to tolerance, which has become a cultural virtue. Decisions are made based on what is politically correct or politically expedient. Moral relativism rules in our schools, our government, in our media, and holds sway in many other public institutions. Absolute truth is set aside for individual interpretation and application. In general, society no longer recognizes external sources for truth.

James Emery White (A Mind for God, p. 10) wrote, “A study of faculty members at U.S. colleges and universities found that 84 percent support abortion rights, and 75 percent support extramarital cohabitation. Fewer than a third described themselves as regular churchgoers. When the Kansas Board of Education approved new science standards for teachers in public schools that questioned Charles Darwin’s teachings on evolution (merely allowing the idea of ‘intelligent design’ to be discussed), the director of the National Center for Science Education responded, ‘Those kids are in for a big shock when they go to college, because they’re going to learn that what they had been taught by their teachers in high schools is a lot of rubbish.'”

This is not just an issue for urban and suburban areas. It is becoming a problem everywhere. The media and the Internet have opened the flood and brought the world into our homes.

It’s also come into the church. It has affected the way people think. People in our churches are-more and more-finding it difficult to think Christianly. Their worldview has become skewed.

Kerby Anderson (Christian Ethics in Plain Language) wrote, “Everyone has a worldview, but relatively few people (even religious people) have a biblical worldview. This explains a great deal about behavior. The reason so few people act like Christians is that they do not think like Christians. Behavior results from our values and beliefs. Thinking biblically about the issues of life should ultimately result in living biblically in society.” (p 1)

Initial Questions
Can we demonstrate grace and exercise discipline at the same time?
Can we call people to a higher standard without condemning them?
How can we hold each other accountable without becoming legalistic?
Can we extend infinite grace without endorsing sin? (See Romans 6:1-2.)

With the current of our culture growing stronger, it is becoming more difficult for believers and churches to swim against the current. But we are called to serve God faithfully in these times! We have been called to this generation. There are biblical principles-timeless truths-that provide us with guidelines so we can:

Show absolute love to postmoderns who claim there are no absolutes.
Hold firmly to our convictions, yet do it with compassion.
Be caring and understanding without compromising our values.
Demonstrate forgiveness, grace, and acceptance while maintaining righteous standards.

Case Studies for interactive break-out groups
(Curiously, all of these come from the writer’s northern Minnesota town of 11,000, not some metroplex!)

NUMBER ONE: MY GAY FRIEND AND I
A homosexual man (currently divorcing his wife) starts attending your church, bringing his three young children with him. He emails you telling you how much the music and the messages have touched his heart and challenged him to grow in his walk with the Lord. His email continues: “Would it be a problem for you if I bring my partner with me to church services?”

You hit “Reply,” and an email form pops up. With your fingers poised over the keyboard, you pause. What do you type?

NUMBER TWO: I’M ONLY RESCUING HER
A man, a member of your church, becomes romantically involved with a married woman, also a church member. You admonish him to break off all contact with the woman, even as she begins divorce proceedings against her husband. He insists he is doing nothing inappropriate. Indeed, he claims to be supporting her as a friend through this difficult time. After all, she was the victim of abuse by her husband, also a church member.

The man rebuffs all arguments that he should abandon the relationship, so you inform him he can no longer participate in church activities or worship services. He says, “You treat outsiders better than you treat me. I’d be more welcome if I were a heathen instead of a member.”

You have to admit he’s right. You have actively encouraged people with sinful lifestyles to come to church and seek God. So how do you explain your seemingly inconsistent treatment of him?

NUMBER THREE: MARRIED IN THE EYES OF GOD
A young couple asks you to dedicate their infant daughter to the Lord in a worship service. While explaining to them the significance of dedicating children, you discover they are not married. “If you’re going to commit yourselves to raising this child ‘in the fear and admonition of the Lord,'” you say, “you need to line your actions up with your words.” You explain that you will be happy to dedicate their child after they marry, since living out of wedlock does not teach Christian values.

“We can’t marry,” they reply. He provides well for his ex-wife from his salary, but she would extract an exorbitant amount from any joint business venture by the new couple. Remaining single enables them to avoid an unfair financial situation with his former wife. “Anyway,” they say, “we’re married in the eyes of God even if we’re not married in the eyes of the state.” How do you respond? And do you dedicate the child?

NUMBER FOUR: GRACE OR STANDARDS?
Arrested two years ago for a sexual offense as a minor, a 19-year-old returns to your church after serving his time and going through extensive counseling. He welcomes mentoring from your church’s youth pastor as well as from some mature peers. He submits himself to an accountability structure and agrees to stay away from the children’s ministry areas of the church. Some in the church, however, become concerned when he asks if he can join the worship band to play drums during services.

What kind of standards should be required for him to minister publicly? Does grace release him quickly into ministry or lead him through a process of restoring trust? Does grace protect him from the misunderstandings of others? Does grace guard him against further temptation by maintaining a tight leash on his activities? How do you minister to the young man? And what do you say to the concerned members of your church?

NUMBER FIVE: TOO MUCH GRACE
A divorcee in your church with three children volunteers to teach a class of third-grade girls. She proves to be a good teacher and has excellent rapport with the girls. Several months later you learn that she has become pregnant out of wedlock. “It would be best if you step aside from your leadership role,” you tell her. “Your pregnancy is not a good example for the girls in your class.” She agrees to resign.

At her last class, her assistant teacher leads the class in a farewell gesture, which includes small gifts for the unborn baby. One of the girls’ mothers calls to complain. “Not only have you condoned her behavior,” she says, “but now you have celebrated it.”

After listening to the mother’s concerns, you try to provide some context for the assistant’s good intentions. “If we’re going to err one way or the other,” you say, “I hope we can err on the side of grace.”

“Well, as far as I’m concerned,” the mother bristles, “there’s entirely too much grace around here.” How do you respond?

NUMBER SIX: AVOID EVEN THE APPEARANCE OF EVIL
Your church owns a parsonage, but since it’s not needed for staff housing, the church board decides to rent it out. An ideal young couple fills out an application to rent–but lets it slip out that they are not married. As landlord, your church cannot discriminate against them for their private behavior. But many church members assume you are condoning their cohabitation if you permit them to live in church-owned housing. What do you do?

NUMBER SEVEN: AND BABY MAKES THREE
A couple comes to see if you will marry them. However, you know the man’s history. This would be his third marriage–and he refused your advice when his second wife wanted to save their marriage. Though he claims to be a Christian, he displays little change and doesn’t seem to have matured since then.

As you begin to tell them you would feel uncomfortable about marrying them, they reveal that they are expecting a child in six months. They tell you, “We think the right thing to do before our child comes is to commit ourselves to each other in marriage.”

Your associate recommends sending them to the justice of the peace, but you have nagging doubts about that approach: How can you speak redemptively into their lives if you can’t walk with them through their problems? How can you encourage them to attend church after they are married if you could not help them before they are married?

NUMBER EIGHT: ONLY HARMLESS FUN
You learn that a man in your church frequents the local casino. “It’s just harmless fun for me,” he says. “If I spend $100 a month there or $600 on a ski trip, it’s all just entertainment.”

You might be inclined to let his comment pass, but just a week earlier you met with a woman whose marriage was crumbling because of her husband’s compulsive gambling. They were on the verge of losing their home, their savings, and their relationship because he could not control his impulses.

What do you say to the man who wants his “harmless” fun?

Scriptures to Apply

1 Corinthians 8:9-13 Be careful, however, that the exercise of your freedom does not become a stumbling block to the weak. For if anyone with a weak conscience sees you who have this knowledge eating in an idol’s temple, won’t he be emboldened to eat what has been sacrificed to idols? So this weak brother, for whom Christ died, is destroyed by your knowledge. When you sin against your brothers in this way and wound their weak conscience, you sin against Christ. Therefore, if what I eat causes my brother to fall into sin, I will never eat meat again, so that I will not cause him to fall.

Romans 14:1-3 Accept him whose faith is weak, without passing judgment on disputable matters. One man’s faith allows him to eat everything, but another man, whose faith is weak, eats only vegetables. The man who eats everything must not look down on him who does not, and the man who does not eat everything must not condemn the man who does, for God has accepted him.

Romans 14:13 Therefore let us stop passing judgment on one another. Instead, make up your mind not to put any stumbling block or obstacle in your brother’s way.

Discussion Questions (for further study)
1. Why was Jesus was criticized for being soft on sin–a “friend of sinners” (Luke 7:34) when he was so hard on religious people (Luke 11:39-52)?

2. In what way should we treat believers differently from those outside the church? Is it right that we should have higher expectations of redeemed sinners than of unredeemed sinners? Is accountability something that we need as believers?

3. Of those who regularly attend your public church meetings, who should be classified as “outsiders”? Can we distinguish those who have not yet committed to following Jesus from those who have?

4. What, exactly, is the church? Who are the believers who need admonition and instruction? Who are the unbelievers who need love, acceptance, and forgiveness? Romans 15:7 Accept one another, then, just as Christ accepted you, in order to bring praise to God.

5. Of your regular attenders, whom do you correct? Rebuke? Encourage? Warn? Help? Show patience? Train? 1 Thessalonians 5:14; 2 Timothy 2:14-15; 2 Timothy 3:16; Ephesians 4:13-16; Jude 1:20-25.

6. When you speak the truth, what does it mean to speak it in love? Is it more loving to be gentle or firm?

7. How can we dispense grace to those who need it without relaxing standards of accountability and Christian discipline?

8. How can we hold each other accountable without becoming legalistic? Can we challenge each other without squelching God’s love?
Hebrews 5:11-14 We have much to say about this, but it is hard to explain because you are slow to learn. In fact, though by this time you ought to be teachers, you need someone to teach you the elementary truths of God’s word all over again. You need milk, not solid food! Anyone who lives on milk, being still an infant, is not acquainted with the teaching about righteousness. But solid food is for the mature, who by constant use have trained themselves to distinguish good from evil. [NASB: “discern”]

Principles of Grace and Discipline
Navigating through the mine fields of specific situations may not always be easy, and individuals with different gift-mixes (more mercy than prophecy, for instance) may come to different conclusions on how to address certain problems. But reading the biblical principles that follow each of the passages shown below may help us sort out some of the questions listed above.

Matthew 18:15-17 “If your brother sins against you, go and show him his fault(a), just between the two of you.(b) If he listens to you, you have won your brother over. But if he will not listen, take one or two others along, so that ‘every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses.’ If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church; and if he refuses to listen even to the church, treat him as you would a pagan or a tax collector. (c)
Comments on this text: (a) Believers’ sins must be confronted; (b) if possible, sin should be confronted discreetly; (c) believers who remain unrepentant in their sin are to be avoided. Question: How would first-century Jews have treated pagans and tax collectors?

Galatians 6:1-2 Brothers, if someone is caught in a sin, you who are spiritual(a) should restore(b) him gently.(c) But watch yourself, or you also may be tempted.(d) Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.
Comments on this text: (a) Those who are “spiritual” have an obligation to a brother or sister who falls into sin; (b) the goal is restoration, not punishment; (c) restoration should be “gentle”; (d) restoration should be done carefully and with humility.
Eugene Peterson’s Message: If someone falls into sin, forgivingly restore him, saving your critical comments for yourself. You might be needing forgiveness before the day’s out. Stoop down and reach out to those who are oppressed. Share their burdens, and so complete Christ’s law. If you think you are too good for that, you are badly deceived.

1 John 5:16-17 If anyone sees his brother commit a sin that does not lead to death, he should pray(a) and God will give him life.(b) I refer to those whose sin does not lead to death. There is a sin that leads to death. I am not saying that he should pray about that.(c) All wrongdoing is sin, and there is sin that does not lead to death.
Comments on this text: (a) We should pray for a believer who falls into sin; (b) we can be confident that God will restore life to believers who sin; (c) we should not pray for sins that lead “to death.”

1 Corinthians 5:1-13 It is actually reported that there is sexual immorality among you, and of a kind that does not occur even among pagans: A man has his father’s wife. And you are proud! Shouldn’t you rather have been filled with grief(a) and have put out of your fellowship the man who did this?(b) Even though I am not physically present, I am with you in spirit. And I have already passed judgment on the one who did this,(c) just as if I were present. When you are assembled in the name of our Lord Jesus and I am with you in spirit, and the power of our Lord Jesus is present,(d) hand this man over to Satan,(e) so that the sinful nature may be destroyed(f) and his spirit saved on the day of the Lord.

Your boasting is not good. Don’t you know that a little yeast works through the whole batch of dough? Get rid of the old yeast that you may be a new batch without yeast-as you really are. For Christ, our Passover lamb, has been sacrificed. Therefore let us keep the Festival, not with the old yeast, the yeast of malice and wickedness, but with bread without yeast, the bread of sincerity and truth.

I have written you in my letter not to associate with sexually immoral people-not at all meaning the people of this world who are immoral, or the greedy and swindlers, or idolaters. In that case you would have to leave this world.(g) But now I am writing you that you must not associate with anyone who calls himself a brother(h) but is sexually immoral or greedy, an idolater or a slanderer, a drunkard or a swindler. With such a man do not even eat.

What business is it of mine to judge those outside the church? Are you not to judge those inside?(c) God will judge those outside. “Expel the wicked man from among you.”(i)
Comments on this text: (a) We should be grieved about sin in the church; (b) unrepentant and persistent sin must be removed from the fellowship and not tolerated; (c) despite Matthew 7:1, there is a time to “judge” others in the church-a time to hold others accountable; (d) church discipline should be done in the power of Jesus; (e) church discipline means turning someone over to Satan (see Romans 1:24,26: “God gave them over…”); (f) church discipline is a spiritual tool that can destroy sinful nature [i.e. the flesh]; (g) church discipline cannot be applied to unbelievers, those outside the church; (h) church discipline applies to those who consider themselves believers; (i) we should expel the wicked man from fellowship, a reference to Deuteronomy 17:7; 19:19; 21:21; 22:21,24; 24:7.

2 Corinthians 2:5-11 If anyone has caused grief, he has not so much grieved me as he has grieved all of you,(a) to some extent, not to put it too severely. The punishment inflicted on him by the majority is sufficient for him. Now instead, you ought to forgive and comfort him,(b) so that he will not be overwhelmed by excessive sorrow. I urge you, therefore, to reaffirm your love for him. The reason I wrote you was to see if you would stand the test and be obedient in everything. If you forgive anyone, I also forgive him. And what I have forgiven-if there was anything to forgive-I have forgiven in the sight of Christ for your sake, in order that Satan might not outwit us. For we are not unaware of his schemes.(c)
Comments on this text: (a) Sin in the church is cause for grief; (b) church discipline, if effective, should end with repentance, forgiveness, and comfort; (c) refusing restoration allows Satan to prevail.

Matthew 13:24-30, 36-43 Jesus told them another parable: The kingdom of heaven is like a man who sowed good seed in his field. But while everyone was sleeping, his enemy came and sowed weeds [NASB: “tares” = zizanion, a kind of darnel resembling wheat] among the wheat, and went away. When the wheat sprouted and formed heads, then the weeds also appeared.(a)

The owner’s servants came to him and said, ‘Sir, didn’t you sow good seed in your field? Where then did the weeds come from?’

‘An enemy did this,’ he replied.

The servants asked him, ‘Do you want us to go and pull them up?’

‘No,’ he answered, ‘because while you are pulling the weeds, you may root up the wheat with them.(b) Let both grow together until the harvest. At that time I will tell the harvesters: First collect the weeds and tie them in bundles to be burned;(c) then gather the wheat and bring it into my barn.’

Then he left the crowd and went into the house. His disciples came to him and said, “Explain to us the parable of the weeds in the field.”

He answered, “The one who sowed the good seed is the Son of Man. The field is the world,(d) and the good seed stands for the sons of the kingdom. The weeds are the sons of the evil one, and the enemy who sows them is the devil. The harvest is the end of the age, and the harvesters are angels.

As the weeds are pulled up and burned in the fire, so it will be at the end of the age. The Son of Man will send out his angels, and they will weed out of his kingdom everything that causes sin and all who do evil. They will throw them into the fiery furnace, where there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth. Then the righteous will shine like the sun in the kingdom of their Father. He who has ears, let him hear.”

Comments on this text: (a) The world contains both good and bad fruit, wheat (from the kingdom of heaven) and weeds (from the enemy); (b) In our attempt to deal with the weeds (wrongdoers), we can damage the harvest; (c) we should leave the ultimate judgment and punishment of wrongdoers to God; (d) the field is the world, not the church-this story is not about church discipline but about how believers are to live within the culture.

Matthew 7:1-5 “Do not judge,(a) or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.

“Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye?(b) How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? 5 You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.”(c)

Comments on this text: (a) To judge [krinô: to judge, decide] is not the same thing as to discern [diakrisis: the act of judgment; to judge through]- we are not to judge, but we supposed to be discerning [“But solid food is for the mature, who by constant use have trained themselves to distinguish good from evil.” (Heb 5:14, NIV)]; (b) our first concern, before addressing the problems of others, should be our own spiritual welfare; (c) only after we have dealt with our own sins can we help others with theirs.

Judges 21:25 In those days Israel had no king; everyone did as he saw fit.(a)
Comments on this text: (a) Having no king in ancient Israel indicated a lack of authority-there were no absolutes. Authoritative truth is essential to guide people to do what is right: “When people do not accept divine guidance, they run wild. But whoever obeys the law is happy.” (Proverbs 29:18, NLT); “Where there is no word from God, people are uncontrolled, but those who obey what they have been taught are happy.” (Proverbs 29:18, NCV)

2 Timothy 4:2-4 Preach the Word; be prepared in season and out of season; correct, rebuke and encourage (a) with great patience and careful instruction.(b) For the time will come when men will not put up with sound doctrine. Instead, to suit their own desires, they will gather around them a great number of teachers to say what their itching ears want to hear.(c) They will turn their ears away from the truth and turn aside to myths.

Comments on this text: (a) We should use God’s truth to correct bad doctrine and bad behavior, to rebuke difficult people and poor attitudes, as well as to encourage the discouraged-those ready to give up; (b) ministering the truth to people requires great patience and care; (c) people will abandon the truth or distort it to satisfy their own desires.

But what about welcoming the sinner? The verses we’ve looked at above focus primarily on holding believers accountable, on calling them to a life of discipline and holiness. What about love, acceptance, and forgiveness for those who need God’s grace to move forward in life?

Matthew 8:2-3 – Jesus was willing to touch the leper.

Luke 7:39 – He allowed a sinner, a woman to touch Him-much to the displeasure of His host, a Pharisee.

Matthew 9:10-13 – Jesus ate with sinners and answered His critics by saying that it’s not the healthy who need a doctor, but those who are sick. Then He added: “…go and learn what this means: ‘I desire compassion, and not sacrifice.'”

Luke 15:1-4 – When sinners were flocking in droves to hear His message of hope and forgiveness, the Pharisees and scribes were pretty upset with Him. So Jesus reminded them of the shepherd’s heart, leaving 99 behind to go after the one that is lost.

Luke 19:1-10 – The religious people got upset when He went to visit Zaccheus, a terrible sinner. But Jesus said, “Today, salvation has come to this house.”

Recommended Reading
James Emery White: A Mind for God
Dallas Willard: Spirit of the Disciplines (with Richard Foster)
Richard Foster: Celebration of Discipline
Kerby Anderson: Christian Ethics in Plain Language

Richard Doebler is senior pastor of Cloquet Gospel Tabernacle in Cloquet, Minnesota. These are the notes from the 2007 FCA Convention in Tacoma, Washington.